Losing the WAG

Posted on October 10, 2019 by twitmericks

Coleen said the case had been cracked -/

Rebekah was caught in the act./

This angered Becks Vardy,/

Who got a bit mardy,/

Insisting her Insta was hacked. 

///https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/1182221953874223106

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Brexshit Gets Real

Posted on October 9, 2019 by twitmericks

As Brexit descends into farce/

Our bog paper stocks will get sparse,/

But when there is none/

The Mail and the Sun/

Are handy for wiping one’s arse. ///

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Magnetic Pole

Posted on October 8, 2019 by twitmericks

An entrepreneur known as Jennifer/

Boasts skill at enamouring men of ‘er,/

Her dances on poles/

Attract simple souls/

Like Johnson, whom she has antennae for.///

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Dog on

Posted on October 6, 2019 by twitmericks

When lorries, post-Brexit, get stuck,/

A driver marooned in a truck/

Will just have to stay by/

Some Kent doggers’/

lay-by And watch exhibitionists fuck.///

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Forbidden fruit

Posted on October 4, 2019 by twitmericks
A Russian wants Apple to pay/
Since one of its apps made him gay./
His sex life exploded/
The day he downloaded,/
But now he just wants Google Play.///
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Being extorted*

Posted on October 2, 2019 by twitmericks

“When stuff goes cross-border post-Brexit,/

Ten miles away somebody chexit./

With this cunning plan”,/

Said Boris, “I can/

Pretend it’s the EU wot rexit!”///

*The title is an anagram of ‘Get Brexit Done’

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/10/02/boris-johnson-promises-no-brexit-checks-at-irish-border.html

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Conference hit

Posted on October 1, 2019 by twitmericks

Sir Geoffrey, a Tory MP,/

Enlivened their grand jamboree/

And got himself barred/

For clocking a guard,/

To show law and order is key.///

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The Audacity of Grope

Posted on September 30, 2019 by twitmericks

A man who compulsively lies/

Robustly and firmly denies/

Reports that reveal/

#How, during a meal,/

He doubly groped two women’s thighs.///

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Don’t nag a Naga

Posted on September 27, 2019 by twitmericks

Beeb bosses say don’t call out racism/

But staff say they will when it faces ’em,/

And trying to gag a/

Presenter like Naga/

Is something that rather disgraces ’em.///

tweet + story

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Are you a shoplifter, or are you just pleased to see me?

Posted on September 27, 2019 by twitmericks

A well-endowed Stoke-on-Trent shopper,/

Suspected because of his whopper,/

Denied he was stealing,/

And stripped off, revealing/

The bulge in his jeans was his chopper.///

Tweet and story

(also follow replies and my retweets for translations in French, German and… Danish?

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