twitmericks

Though Gwynnie advises that steam/

Will help your vagina to gleam,/

One poor woman learned/

When painfully burned/

It’s not a great wellness regime.///

In case you forget the odd name,

And what brought these ministers fame,

Their lives and their crimes,

I found some old rhymes

For this hall of limerick shame.

***

SAJID JAVID, CHANCELLOR

Sajid made a stand from the start

With legs that were splayed wide apart,

The power position

A top politician

Adopts when he’s bracing to fart.

DOMINIC RAAB, FOREIGN SECRETARY

The Brexit Sec’s lately been struck

That Britain needs shipments by truck

That pass through Calais;

The rest of us say:

“I mean, what the actual fuck?”

PRITI PATEL, HOME SECRETARY

A minister off on a mission

Met Israel’s top politician

But Priti Patel

Neglected to tell

Her bosses, a foolish omission.

MICHAEL GOVE, CABINET OFFICE

There was an old Tory named Gove

Who said “I am such a fine cove

If I can contrive it

So every school’s private

We’ll all be like I am, by Jove!”

LIZ TRUSS, INTERNATIONAL TRADE

Post-Brexit, announces Liz Truss,

More naan exports could be a plus,

The same goes for crumpets,

Though these things she trumpets

Were not on the Leave campaign bus.

GAVIN WILLIAMSON, EDUCATION

The Cabinet row over Huawei

Unfolded in quite a bizawei:

Theresa got piqued,

Said Gavin had leaked

And told him “Mawei or the Hawei!”

NICKY MORGAN, CULTURE

An aide to Prime Minister May

Said “Keep Nicky Morgan away”

Because she asked whether

For trousers in leather

A grand was a bit much to pay.

ANDREA LEADSOM, BUSINESS

For May, losing Andrea Leadsom

Leaves things looking ever more dreadsome

But Tories may find

Once May has resigned

The problem is not just who heads ’em.

AMBER RUDD, WORK AND PENSIONS

The member for Hastings and Rye

Has bid the Home Office goodbye,

Unable to handle

The Windrushgate scandal,

Caught out by a Ruddy great lie.

GRANT SHAPPS, TRANSPORT

There once were a couple of chaps

But both, it turns out, were Grant Shapps –

The Tory MP

Had another ID

He tried hard to keep under wraps.

*******

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