Norwegian Blue Language

Posted on August 15, 2018 by twitmericks

A parrot that’s able to speak/

Three languages opened its beak/

And cursed a fire crew/

In language most blue/

And more Anglo-Saxon than Greek.///

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Pain in Spain

Posted on August 14, 2018 by twitmericks

A Brit tourist wrote to complain/

Her Benidorm break was a pain/

Because the hotel/

Was made living hell/

By too many people from Spain.///

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Rampant rodent

Posted on August 11, 2018 by twitmericks

A juvenile squirrel wrongdoer/

Was captured by cops in Karlsruhe/

Who rescued a man/

In terror who ran/

Away from his furry pursuer.///

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Airport Abuzz

Posted on August 11, 2018 by twitmericks

The luggage for one man’s vacation/

Caused problems for air transportation/

When scan operators/

Picked up his vibrators,/

Resulting in mass perturbation.///

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Cheesy Crime

Posted on August 9, 2018 by twitmericks

A thief who was sentenced to fester/

Made one mistake, said his arrester:/

What gave him away/

Was some DNA/

He left on a lump of red Leicester.///

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Bojo’s Fashion Tips

Posted on August 7, 2018 by twitmericks

Though dog-whistle Boris now rails/

Against public wearing of veils/

By some Muslim women,/

From what we’ve seen him in,/

I’d focus on fashion for males.///

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Right to Bear Alms

Posted on August 5, 2018 by twitmericks

Oh pity the poor NRA-ers,/

Those well-armed political players/

Who love all things gunny/

Are clean out of money/

So shoot them a few .///

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Jail Fail

Posted on August 4, 2018 by twitmericks

A racist imprisoned in May/
Is lying about his brief stay;/
The mendacious fucker/
Told credulous Tucker/
It’s just like Guantanamo Bay.///

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Unpresidented Vote

Posted on August 3, 2018 by twitmericks

They say Mnangagwa in Zim/

Came top by a margin quite slim,/

But Nelson Chamisa,/

The MDC geezer,/

Insists that the winner is him.///

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-45055223

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Titter Ye

Posted on August 1, 2018 by twitmericks

The limericks you see here all started life on Twitter – love it or hate it. Here’s my response to today’s hashtag – #WhyIJoinedTwitter.  

I had some spare time I could fritter/

Attempting to make people titter,/

Reporting our times/

In limerick rhymes -/

That’s pretty much

The word ‘titter’ flummoxed at least one North American (?) tweeter, so may be specifically Brit. It’s notable not least from the comedian Frankie Howerd’s catchphrase ‘Titter Ye Not’. 

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