Unpresidented Vote

Posted on August 3, 2018 by twitmericks

They say Mnangagwa in Zim/

Came top by a margin quite slim,/

But Nelson Chamisa,/

The MDC geezer,/

Insists that the winner is him.///

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-45055223

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Titter Ye

Posted on August 1, 2018 by twitmericks

The limericks you see here all started life on Twitter – love it or hate it. Here’s my response to today’s hashtag – #WhyIJoinedTwitter.  

I had some spare time I could fritter/

Attempting to make people titter,/

Reporting our times/

In limerick rhymes -/

That’s pretty much

The word ‘titter’ flummoxed at least one North American (?) tweeter, so may be specifically Brit. It’s notable not least from the comedian Frankie Howerd’s catchphrase ‘Titter Ye Not’. 

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Having a Whale of a Time

Posted on July 31, 2018 by twitmericks

A hybrid between two cetaceans/

With misleading classifications/

Shows females and males/

Of dolphins-cum-whales/

Enjoy inter-species relations.///

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Chinese Burn

Posted on July 30, 2018 by twitmericks

In China, old Jeremy Hunt/
Went out of his way to affront:/
‘My wife’s Japanese – /
I mean she’s Chinese”./
Declared the incompetent Cabinet Minister.///

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Brexshit Fears

Posted on July 30, 2018 by twitmericks

There may be no food on the shelves/
Unless every Brit digs and delves,/
But May won’t reveal/
Her plan for No Deal/
For fear of us shitting ourselves.///

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Full Monty Python

Posted on July 28, 2018 by twitmericks

A woman was jolted awake/

To find herself next to a snake./

‘Relax’, the snake hissed,/

‘We’re both a bit pissed -/

Let’s call it a drunken mistake’.///

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Die Another Day

Posted on July 27, 2018 by twitmericks

Two worms frozen deep in the ice,/

Thawed out and revived in a trice,/

Came in from the cold,/

Millennia old -/

They know that You Only Live Twice.///

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More Trumpery

Posted on July 27, 2018 by twitmericks

An ex-Trump attorney named Cohen/
Denies Donald’s claims of not knowin/’
Of campaign discussions/
With prominent Russians;/
Trump’s nose, like the scandal, keeps growin’.///

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Lady Garden Privet Parts Abused

Posted on July 26, 2018 by twitmericks

A bush-trimmer spoke to allege/

Drunk fellows have sex with his hedge,/

Invading the privet/

In order to give it/

A shag with their meat and two veg.///

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Shareability Slump

Posted on July 26, 2018 by twitmericks

A series of privacy scares/

Hit Facebook’s financial affairs/

As data misuse/

Is apt to reduce/

The likes FB gets for its shares.///

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