Tesla profits up in smoke

Posted on September 8, 2018 by twitmericks

When Musk saw a joint being lit/

He took a few puffs of that shit,/

But Elon the joker/

Was not the sole toker -/

His company too took a hit.///

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Bradley Informed

Posted on September 8, 2018 by twitmericks

A minister named Karen Bradley,/

Whose brief’s Northern Ireland,/

sadly Has had to admit/

To knowing jack shit/

About it, which went down quite badly.///

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Private Dick

Posted on September 6, 2018 by twitmericks

A spy from Korea, Black Venus,/

Enacted a plan most ingenious/

To tape Kim Jong-Il,/

Concealing with skill/

A dictaphone inside his penis.///

I don’t suppose the recording device was that actual brand, but I couldn’t resist the word under the circumstances. I’ve never personally used a dictaphone – I always found my index finger worked perfectly well.

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Pole-axed

Posted on September 5, 2018 by twitmericks

A nursery head lost her role/
When parents did not find it droll/
For children to start in/
Their new kindergarten/
While dancers gyrate on a pole.///

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West wingnut

Posted on September 5, 2018 by twitmericks

The veteran journalist Bob/

From talking to Donald Trump’s mob,/

Found less stable genius,/

More misdemeanious/

Unstable dumbass nutjob.///

Some readers may be thrown by the scansion in line 5, which appears to be a syllable short when taken on its own. But read together it scans because of the extra syllables in line 4, courtesy of my coinage ‘misdemeanious’. There may well be a technical term for this (does enjambment cover it?).

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/sep/04/bob-woodward-book-fear-donald-trump-white-house

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Nike takes the knee

Posted on September 4, 2018 by twitmericks

The Kaepernick advert for Nike/

Has got right-wing critics all spiky;/

They’re torching their shoes/

And lighting a fuse/

Right under Trump’s volatile psyche.///

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/american-football/45407340

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Pastor: “I felt a right tit!”

Posted on September 2, 2018 by twitmericks

The pastor Charles Ellis the Third/

Regrets to admit that he erred,/

In hugging Ms Grande/

He got rather hande/

And border infractions occurred.///

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Naan-membership

Posted on September 1, 2018 by twitmericks

Post-Brexit, announces Liz Truss,/

More naan exports could be a plus,/

The same goes for crumpets,/

Though these things she trumpets/

Were not on the Leave campaign bus.///

 

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The Brexit Bop

Posted on August 31, 2018 by twitmericks

The UK might just have a chance/

Of backing from countries like France/

To have and eat cake/

If they undertake/

To not let Theresa May dance.///

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/the-maybot-strikes-twice-theresa-may-busts-out-her-awkward-dance-moves-again-on-kenya-trip-a3924196.html

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Portaloo Sunset

Posted on August 29, 2018 by twitmericks

The government’s got a great ruse/

For post-Brexit motorway queues;/

In case of no deal,/

When shit becomes real,/

They’ll put up some portable loos.///

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