Rewarding failure

Posted on September 14, 2019 by twitmericks

Poor Cameron can’t understand/

Why things didn’t go as he planned,/

But though it’s depressing,/

There is just one blessing – /

The book’s earned him 800 grand!///

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Hey Mr Tangerine Man

Posted on September 14, 2019 by twitmericks

The President’s seeking to dump/

Some light bulbs that give the old chump/

An orangey hue/

With which they imbue/

No person on earth except Trump.///

 

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Hard worker

Posted on September 12, 2019 by twitmericks

A French firm was ordered to pay/

When one of its staff passed away,/

For Xavier X/

Who died during sex,/

Pegged out on the job, judges say.///

My fellow Twitter limericker from France, @GuillaumeCingal, replied to this post with a rather fine response, which he has kindly permitted me to add to the post here.
Après le décès de Xavier, /
Son patron doit raquer, et sans tergiverser./
Ainsi le veut la loi française :/
La mission pro inclut la baise ;/
Petite ou grande mort, tout sera remboursé.
The scansion is a little loose, but the wordplay in the punchline is rather more satisfying than mine – ‘petite morte’ means orgasm, so the last line roughly translates as ‘Orgasm or death, they’ll pay out on both’.

 

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Prorogue Mahone Again

Posted on September 11, 2019 by twitmericks

A court found proroguing to stimey,/

As Johnson has done, rather grimy -/

It’s very unlawful/

And also quite awful,/

Misleading the number one limey.///

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Hawkward squad

Posted on September 11, 2019 by twitmericks

The White House advisor John Bolton,/

Who liked it so hot it was molten,/

Fell out with the chief,/

A source of relief/

To countries he urged an assault on.///

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Ruddy Shocking

Posted on September 8, 2019 by twitmericks

Poor gullible dupe Amber Rudd/

Is shocked to find Johnson a dudd/

Whose actions reveal/

His talk of a deal/

Is just a big mountain of crudd.///

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Swot is he on about?

Posted on September 7, 2019 by twitmericks

Old Boris, who says ‘girly swot’,/

And similar jolly old rot,/

Who reeks of misogyny/

And can’t count his progeny,/

Continues to win diddly-squat.///

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See ya later, ex-dictator

Posted on September 7, 2019 by twitmericks

Old Robert Mugabe of Zim/

Saw life there get ever more grim,/

One-time liberator/

Turned ageing dictator,/

Deposed once the problem was him.///

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Go Fish

Posted on September 6, 2019 by twitmericks

A DNA study reveals/

No sharks, sturgeon, lizards or seals/

Alive in Loch Ness -/

The monster, they guess,/

Is probably oversized eels.///

 

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Lying Tory

Posted on September 4, 2019 by twitmericks

As Boris’s plan went Pete Tong,/

Alone in the Westminster throng,/

House leader incumbent/

Rees-Mogg lay recumbent/

And dreamed of his mother’s chaise longue.///

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