Grandmaster Flash

Posted on November 29, 2018 by twitmericks

For weeks two chess champions vied/

But all of their games finished tied/

Until they played faster/

When Norway’s grandmaster/

Turned out to have time on his side.///

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Size of a cow

Posted on November 28, 2018 by twitmericks

An ox of gargantuan size/

Escaped an untimely demise;/

While cattle much shorter/

Were sent to the slaughter,/

Big Knickers has dodged the cow pies.///

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Shit a brick

Posted on November 28, 2018 by twitmericks

Six gutsy scatologists tested/

How lego performs when ingested/

By swallowing pieces/

Then checking their faeces -/

Don’t try this at home, they suggested.///

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Poll of polls

Posted on November 25, 2018 by twitmericks

Swiss voters have failed to uphold/

A measure far-reaching and bold/

To let cow horns grow;/

Their views we don’t know,/

Although they’re the ones being polled*.///

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Fowl move

Posted on November 23, 2018 by twitmericks

The man at America’s head/

This year for Thanksgiving Day said:/

‘Although it sounds quirky,/

Let’s move on from Turkey – /

I’m pardoning Saudi instead’.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/nov/20/trump-pardons-thanksgiving-turkeys

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Dubai that?

Posted on November 22, 2018 by twitmericks

A postgrad got nicked in Dubai,/

Where judicial norms don’t apply;/

Though rights groups protest,/

They said he confessed/

And jailed him for life as a spy.////

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For a few dollars less…

Posted on November 22, 2018 by twitmericks

I’ll stand by the Saudis, said Trump,/

Their critics can go take a jump -/

Who cares who they’re slaying/

So long as we’re paying/

A few dollars less at the pump.///

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On the rocks

Posted on November 21, 2018 by twitmericks

Some curlers got kicked off the rink/

For taking an excess of drink/

For whisky on ice/

Is not very nice,/

Or so many connoisseurs think.///

 

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Kaputsch

Posted on November 20, 2018 by twitmericks

Though May has received the odd letter/

From Tory MPs out to getter,/

Their coup fizzled out,/

Increasing the doubt/

The plotters could run this show better.///

https://www.yahoo.com/news/jacob-rees-mogg-admits-brexiteer-125431446.html

 

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Die-ing for a poo*

Posted on November 19, 2018 by twitmericks

The wombat marsupial species,/

Contrives to make cubical faeces:/

The poo is compressed in/

The creature’s intestine,/

Then packed into stackable pieces.///

*Thanks to Richard Heald for improved headline.

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