EU disrespecting me?

Posted on September 23, 2018 by twitmericks

A government failing at Brexit/

Complains the EU disrepexit,/

Creating affront,/

Says Jeremy Hunt,/

By posting cake pix just to vexit.///

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A house divided

Posted on September 22, 2018 by twitmericks

There is a right-winger named Paul/

Whose siblings don’t rate him at all/

Six brothers and sisters/

Have joined the resisters/

To work for the Congressman’s fall.///

(I tweaked the second line from the tweeted version, on reflection, but either works).

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Dis-Mayed

Posted on September 21, 2018 by twitmericks

Theresa said countries like France/

Have not given Britain a chance:/

By dumping on Chequers/

Those Eurocrat wreckers/

Have led her a merry old dance!///

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Pottted lobster

Posted on September 21, 2018 by twitmericks

A lobster place over in Maine/

Maintains it’s humane when they’re slain/

To dope each crustacean/

With weed-based sedation,/

Thus dulling its brain to the pain.///

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Steaming Cleaner

Posted on September 20, 2018 by twitmericks

Some Indian nationalists who/

Extol what cow products can do/

Make soap from the faeces/

Of this sacred species,/

Thus putting the poo in shampoo.///

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Jumbo-sized blunder

Posted on September 20, 2018 by twitmericks

An airline whose spelling’s horrific/

Messed up, or to be more specific/

Contrived to forget a/

Significant letter/

Which means there’s no effin’ Pacific!///

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Sesame-sex relationship?

Posted on September 19, 2018 by twitmericks

The Sesame Workshop contends,/
Wherever the evidence tends,/
Though Saltzman would write ’em/
As kind of an item,/
That Ernie and Bert are just friends.///

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Toad’s tool

Posted on September 18, 2018 by twitmericks

A porn star once dear to Trump’s heart/

Described his most intimate part/

As less than humungous/

And shaped like a fungus,/

Like Toad out of Mario Kart.///

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Vince fails to pull it off

Posted on September 18, 2018 by twitmericks

The speech said ‘erotic’ and ‘spasm’,/

But Vince in his enthusiasm/

Got nervous and slipped,/

And mangling the script,/

Cocked up his linguistic orgasm.///

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Sex on fire

Posted on September 17, 2018 by twitmericks

In Grimsby, a man seized by ire/

Who set loads of dildos on fire/

Outside his love’s door/

Was jailed, and what’s more,/

Could not reignite her desire.///

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