No Shit?!

Posted on March 8, 2018 by twitmericks

A record in anal retention/

Was set by a man in detention/

Whose bowels wouldn’t move,/

So cops couldn’t prove/

Suspected drugs law contravention.///

Brixton drug suspect smashes the record for refusing to poo in custody after an astonishing 47 days

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Arabian Nightmares

Posted on March 7, 2018 by twitmericks

A visiting Saudi Crown Prince/

Is trying quite hard to convince/

That Saudi hegemony/

Is good for the Yemeni/

While bombing civilians to mince.///

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/mar/07/saudi-arabia-arms-sales-yemen

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Macron Villages

Posted on March 6, 2018 by twitmericks

Emmanuel Macron says wine/
As alcohol goes, is benign/
Though doctors are anti,/
He says for the santé/
A bottle of claret is fine.///

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Wanted Advances

Posted on March 5, 2018 by twitmericks

The Oscar award winner Frances/

Said start giving women more chances,/

And though it sounds strange,/

We’d like for a change/

The financial kind of advances.///

https://www.theverge.com/2018/3/5/17079744/frances-mcdormand-wins-best-actress-inclusion-rider-oscars-2018

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I wanna be like EU-hoo-hoo

Posted on March 3, 2018 by twitmericks

The PM gave Brussels her view/

Of Britain outside the EU:/

“Although the UK/

Won’t do as you say/

We’ll still have to do as you do”.///

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-britain-eu-europeans/europe-wary-of-mays-ideas-for-post-brexit-harmony-idUSKCN1GE2JD

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Rock of Shit

Posted on March 2, 2018 by twitmericks

A million plus penguins were found/

When pix of an Antarctic mound/

Were taken from space/

Revealing a place/

Where guano deposits abound.///

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Beastly Weather

Posted on March 2, 2018 by twitmericks

The temperature* sharply decreased/
Great blizzards of snow were released/
And stories were written/
Recounting how Britain/
Fell prey to The Beast From The East.///

*Apologies if you pronounce all four syllables in this word – I’m working on the basis that most people say ‘tempritcher’ like me.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/mar/01/beast-from-east-storm-emma-uk-worst-weather-years

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Hopeless POTUS

Posted on March 1, 2018 by twitmericks

A big-headed, small-handed dope/

Who boasted of liking to grope/

Has lost a top hire/

And self-confessed liar -/

PR-wise, he hasn’t a Hope.///

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/feb/28/hope-hicks-resigns-trump-communications-director-white-house

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Jared Barred

Posted on February 28, 2018 by twitmericks

A fellow of boyish appearance/

Who’s lost his security clearance/

Is closely connected,/

It’s widely suspected,/

To Russian-led poll interference.///

 

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Xi-Bear

Posted on February 27, 2018 by twitmericks

In China it just doesn’t do,/

When airing online points of view,/

To write ‘disagree’,/

Or juxtapose Xi/

With pictures of Winnie the Pooh.///

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