Upper Case for Treatment

Posted on July 23, 2018 by twitmericks

The Potus suggests that perhaps/

Rouhani should stop picking scraps,/

Not rouse U.S. ire,/

Or else he will fire/

MORE TWEETS THAT ARE WRITTEN IN CAPS!///

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-44919772

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Is this the way to Nantucket?

Posted on July 20, 2018 by twitmericks

Said Norfolk police, “What’s this here?/

This car is illegal, I fear”./

The driver said “Fuck it -/

What’s wrong with a bucket/

To sit on and pliers to steer?”///

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Virgin Olive Oil

Posted on July 20, 2018 by twitmericks

New Mexico folks are convergin’/

To witness the oil that is surgin’/

From Mary’s bronze figure,/

Which scholars of rigour/

Declare to be Pure Extra Virgin.///

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Dishonourable Members

Posted on July 19, 2018 by twitmericks

Old Julian Smith, the Chief Whip,/

Whose party is losing its grip,/

Instructed the Chair/

To break with his pair/

Then brushed it all off as a slip.///

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Retreat from Moscow

Posted on July 17, 2018 by twitmericks

A small-handed Russophile bloke/

Declared that he kinda misspoke,/

And meant to say ‘wouldn’t’,/

A story that shouldn’t/

Convince many rational folk.///

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Member Exposed

Posted on July 17, 2018 by twitmericks

There is an old member for Burton/

Whom tabloids have published some dirt on -/

He sent the odd sext/

That made women vexed,/

And left his position uncertain.///

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Final Reckoning

Posted on July 16, 2018 by twitmericks

To mark the end of Russia 29018, here are three World Cup Final limericks for you:

“It’s all gone without any hitch”,/

Declared Vlad Vladimirovich,/

But then Pussy Riot/

Disrupted the quiet/

Invading the Cup Final pitch.///

***

Among the new heroes of France/

Are many afforded their chance/

By that immigration/

From nation to nation/

At which those like Trump look askance.///

***

A young French attacker named Kylian/

Cost PSG quite a few mylian;/

He burst on the scene/

To score as a teen,/

The first since a certain Brazylian.///

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William the Plonkerer

Posted on July 15, 2018 by twitmericks

A tapestry telling through pix/

What happened in 1066/

Shows men and their mounts,/

An Oxford don counts,/

With 93 needlework pricks.///

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Flying Visit

Posted on July 13, 2018 by twitmericks

There is a big empty balloon/

That looks like a total buffoon;/

With bright yellow hair,/

Chock full of hot air,/

And so is his airborne lampoon.///

https://www.bbc.com/news/av/uk-politics-44820849/trump-baby-blimp-launched-in-london

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Frozen Meal

Posted on July 12, 2018 by twitmericks

Researchers who looked in the tummy/

Of Ötzi the old Alpine mummy/

Found goat fat inside/

Which one of them tried/

And found unbelievably crummy.///

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